If You Could Love Me, So Could I
Age 16, Jonesboro, Arkansas, USA
I hope you can forgive me
For pushing you away, for breaking your heart.
I loved you, I did. But how was I supposed to love you when I couldn’t even love myself?
Every cigarette, every drink, every pill was my effort to forget. Forget I was hurting you. To forget I was hurting myself.
God, I hope you can forgive me for being a horrible first love, for ruining your self-esteem.
You meant so much to me, you still do, and I never showed it, but I’m showing it now.
It’s been a year and a half and I haven’t moved on from you, but you have. You’ve had another love, and now you’re going to prom with her, when just last year we were planning our prom together.
I hope you’re happy. You deserve it. I hope she treats you better than I. I hope she shows you how much she cares. I hope she watches your favorite movies with you. I hope she watches your movies and supports you.
But I hope you can forgive me. Know that I still love you. I always will. You were my first love. Know that I’m okay now. I am starting to love myself and it’s because of you. If you could love me, then so could I.
So, thank you for that, My Love.
What did you learn?
That everything gets better.
Response from IHYFM:
Dear “If You Could Love Me, So Could I,”
Thank you so much for sharing your heartfelt story with us. Wow! You should be so proud of yourself. Why you may ask? Because you were able to take an honest look at yourself and see where your choices impacted this relationship. You should be proud of yourself for wanting what’s best for your first love. You should be proud of yourself for wishing him the very best, even though it’s no longer you. That takes tremendous maturity and a kind, beautiful, loving heart!!!!! The fact that you’re loving yourself is so healthy.
Take that kind, beautiful, loving heart and have faith that someone else will come into your life and that the relationship can be so incredibly special, a blessing! Know that you’ve learned from the past and won’t repeat the same behavior with this new relationship. That you’ll find someone who will bring out the best in you and you the best in him. You deserve that.
Yes, you do need to close the door on this first love, but do it with tremendous gratitude and a desire to find someone wonderful!!!!
We believe in you and know that you can move on from the past and stop reliving it over and over again. Once you do, whether someone comes your way immediately or it takes a little while, just be happy and proud of who you’ve become! Keep being the best you! We’re cheering you on!!